Dear Mr. Cory Jarvis,
Here is another edition of the “Letters from People” Global News update. Enjoy.
A plumber helped deliver his son in his bathroom. Doctors say within three months his son's head should stop looking like a plunger.
Tar balls have been found off Key West which signifies the oil spill is spreading or those water tight baby diapers aren’t working.
A Minessota car accident unleashed 17 million bees. So many pent up bees, so few flowers, National Geographic's calling it Floral Bukake.
Fran Drescher talked about her gay ex-husband. It was love at first sight and gay at first sound of her voice.
Arizona Gov. to meet with Obama this week to discuss immigration. The meeting will not take place in Arizona due to Obama being unable to find his ID.
John Mayer had a mystery illness which forced the cancellation of his European shows. Doctors couldn't find his ailment but agreed his body was a wonderland.
Sarah Palin blamed environmentalist for the gulf disaster. She said the U.S. wouldn’t need so much oil if they’d stop using all of it to drive to the forrest and hug all those trees.
McDonald’s recalled 12 million toxic Shrek glasses. People who drank from them reported turning green and seeing everything in 3-D.
Tennis sensation Laura Robson has called some competing players sluts. Rivals say she’s good at tennis and bad with men for the same reason: She constantly whacks balls to other girls.
A N.C. candidate is attempting to debunk the myth that he's a drug addict with a criminal past. If elected, he'll prove it right after he pardons himself.
Rush Limbaugh weds wife #4. Promises not to eat this one.
Obama spoke at a high school graduation. He then offered students with acne jobs in the gulf citing their years of experience in oil displacement techniques.
A recent study finds that video gamers bodies are like 60 year old chain smokers. 60 year old chain smokers protested the study saying it unfairly links them with a bunch of unhealthy virgins.
Tea party candidate Fiorna was caught on camera criticizing opponent Barbara boxers hair style. The following are excerpts from their debate on MTV’s Yo Mama:
Your hairstyle is so bad...
-not even John Edwards would sleep with you.
-Donald trump wants the number of your stylist.
Your hairstyle is so old...
-Dick Cheney remembers waterboarding it in highschool.
-Congress has passed a bill making it a historical preservation site.
-Your lice have moved on to the iron age.
A Harvard student brought from Mexico to the U.S. at 4 may be deported. Immigration says they would let him become a United States citizen but after studying at Harvard, he's now overqualified for the job.
The U.S. has dramatically increased oil spill estimates again. Officials credit a female inspector who said life has taught her that men are always lying when they say, don’t worry, not much will come out.
A man found $58 dollars in dog doo. Which he then used to buy $58 in hand sanitizer.
Animals and fish are fleeing the gulf oil spill. Scientists are now testing the effects of massive amounts of oil on sea life by studying swimming areas frequented by the cast of The Jersey shore.
