Sunday, November 1, 2009

RSS Feed

Dear Mr. Jarvis,
Here is your weekly Global News update.

- Senator John Kerry said the Afghan surge proposal goes too far, too fast. He said inserting enlarged troops to surge too early could force a premature evacuation. He added that Afghanistan is not one of those, “wham, bamm, thank you, Islam, kinda countries.”

- After research showed they don’t work, Disney’s offering refunds for Baby Einstein Videos. This is a brilliant strategy. No receipt, required. We’ll give you your money back in full; just bring the video in and admit your kid’s an idiot.

They still plan to sell the videos, they’ve just repackaged them to say, “Make Your Baby Make Other Babies Look Like an Einstein.”

- Michelle Obama and Mrs. Jill Biden attended game one of the World Series. They helped throw out the first pitch and Mrs. Biden gave a speech. Mrs. Biden Delivered a speech instead of her husband who was replaced due to the teams not wanting to start three hours late.

- A woman is accused of offering sex for World Series tickets on craigslist. The ad said for tickets she’d not only let you play on her field, she’d let you score a homerun. It’s good the police are focusing on these crimes. God knows we don’t want anyone scoring before the game starts.

- Mel Gibson’s girlfriend gave birth to a baby and released the following photo to the press:



No comments: