Global News Dump, Feb.-Mar.

Dear Mr. Jarvis,

Here's the Global News we dug up for Feb.-Mar. Enjoy.

-Nick Jonas announced a solo tour for January with his new band which he formed to work on songs “not quite right for the Jonas Brothers.” So in other words, he’s trying to make music that doesn’t suck.

-Two brothers living in a cave inherited $7 billion. When first informed their only response was, “YABADABADOOOOOO!”

-300 Disney World Monorail passengers were stuck due to a power outage. After reaching the hotel three hours later, passengers were delighted saying it had been the shortest wait for a ride all day.

-The Princess and The Frog debuted at No. 1 at the box office. Surprisingly nearly one in five moviegoers were adults without children. Meaning if you saw “Princess” this weekend you’re either a parent, in the wrong theatre, or appearing on next week’s “To Catch a Predator.”

-A study shows that kids who are spanked are more well adjusted later in life. By "well adjusted," they mean the kids have turned 18 and can move away from the parent that’s spanking them.

-The much anticipated James Cameron film “Avatar” debuts this Friday. Everyone loves it already even though no one has seen it, in fact, a committee in Oslo has awarded it the Nobel Greatest Movie Ever Prize.

-Congress is drafting a bill to turn the volumes down on commercials. The bill faces strong opposition from the powerful Mute Button industry.

- A “World of Warcraft” playing mom was accused of luring a Canadian teen away from home and having sex with him. She didn’t quite know what she did wrong so the judge explained in a way she would understand. "Lady, a level 46 troll can't have sex with a wizard’s assistance who has no control yet over his magic staff."