Dear Mr. Jarvis,-Former Basketball player Winston Bennet says during his career he slept with over 90 woman a month. His signature move on the court was the same in sex: Two pumps, shoot, and hustle out of there.
-Vice Pres. Biden took a moment to honor the memory of the Irish Prime Minister’s Mom who is still alive. The Prime Minister then pointed out she always looks that way after St. Patrick’s Day.
-A study shows that dogs originated in the middle east. There is very little record of them in the west until the introduction of the fire hydrant.
-Pepsi is dropping out of schools worldwide by 2012. It turns out coke wins because its vending machine buttons are lower.
-Obama called for an overhaul of the “No child left behind policy.” Obama wants to change no child left behind, Bush wants no child left behind, and Clinton wanted people to touch his behind.
-Final Fantasy VIII sold 450,000 units in America in one day. Protesters complained about the cruel name saying the guys playing it weren’t fulfilling any fantasies let alone the final one.
-The government is investigating the use of contractors to track and kill militants. Hopefully it’s not the same contractors that supply the government with toilet paper or we can expect the militants to just become red and irritated.
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