Dear Mr. Jarvis,
Here is your weekly World News update.
Man gives up liberty, freedom, and hope in crown of statue of liberty by asking girlfriend to marry him.
Four accused of digging up bodies and reselling the graves. Judge sentences each to 30 years and assigns them to nightly picking up the soap detail.
Pope calls for forming new world economic order. World leaders agree taking financial advice from an 82 year old virgin in a pointy hat living in a castle is a bad idea.
In an effort to change it's image the Sci-fi channel has changed it's name to the Syfy channel. Its viewers followed suit and changed their name from geek to masturbation warriors.
As government reviews industry regulation AT&T states an unregulated wireless network is good for consumers. In other news: termites vote for houses to be all wood, mice concur cheese should be placed in safe, open containers, and bank robbers agree on universal 12345 vault code.
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