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Dear Mr. Jarvis,

Here is your weekly Global News update.

L.A.’s safer city initiative makes it illegal to sleep, sit or store personal belongings on sidewalks and other places. A judge however, refused to criminalize camping out in front of movie theaters dressed like a jedi citing he could punish them no further than life already was.

Honduran leader Manuel Zelaya, who was ousted in his pajamas at bayonet point, has given his rival one week to step down. If his orders are not met, he will get very very angry, and give him just one more week to step down.

A teen not paying attention while walking and texting fell into a manhole. Here parents are suing the city for posting a sign and not warning passerbys by text.

A California bill is in the works to tax and regulate Marijuana which would raise more than $1.4 billion. Gov. Schwarzenegger says, “Our unemployment rate is really going to get “high” now!”

A Texas teenager became the youngest person to sail around the world. As he approached the dock, one of his astonished classmates was overheard saying, “Man, this puts to shame anything I’ve done to get a hand-job!”