Dear Mr. Jarvis,
We appreciate every citizen of this great country’s need to at some point own a home. We are one of the few home loan companies not affected by the current mortgage crises. This is due to our rigorous, yet simple test all applicants must fill out. If you answer no to all questions, you are welcome to come in and apply for a loan. If you answer yes to any of the following questions, then by all means, please do get the F%@k out!
1. Does your job require you to know the difference between a tall, venti, and a grande? If yes, get the F%@k out.
2. Does your job require you to wear a name tag? If yes, get the F%@k out.
3. You live in L.A. Do you have a head-shot? If yes, get the F%@k out.
4. Does your job require you to spend long hours on your cellphone arguing with your significant other while giving me the “I don’t think so hand sign” when I ask you where the batteries are? If yes, get the F%@k out.
5. Does your checking account have more zeros than an MC Hammer concert? If yes, get the F%@k out.
6. When speaking with friends, do you substitute their names with the word “Yo?” If yes, get the F%@k out.
7. Do you have no legitimate children to speak of but refer to everyone as “son?” If yes, get the F%@k out.
We thank you for your interest.
Bending over Fannie and Freddy, and making Countrywide our bitch,
N.B.S. Home Loans
No comments:
Post a Comment